Does your brain ever get stuck? Mine keeps going in the same cycle of indecision and fear. Today I decided to try something new and try Fresh Paint – a Wiindows digital drawing program. I grabbed a branch of white pine that was laying in the trail and attempted to draw it. It was a bit frustrating and challenged me to look closely and observe colors. I’m pretty happy with the results. Using a pen and digital pad is not the most relaxing activity and may be better when I try it at a desk instead of sitting in a chair. I hope it helped get my brain unstuck. What helps you begin to think in new ways?
Now that I am living and working on a schedule that is my own time and place I have returned a couple times to my childhood home. My father is 93. He does not see or hear very well. It is good that he can’t see me roll my eyes when I repeat what I have said for the 20th time today. It is good for my patience and a good reminder that this second act is not always going to be in my control and I should have a heck of a good time while it is. The odds are I will end up with these old age quirks – we all will. Our bodies will fail someday.
It is also hard not to get sucked back into that vortex that was growing up and the parental messages that were not even intended but that sunk in any way. One big one I realized I have is in relationship to money. In my home anyone with more than we had was “on their high horse” and “thought they were better than us.” This was never true. Those folks were just living their life in the best way they saw possible. I grew up with the belief that if I had money I would be a bad person. As you can imagine this affected my income level. I never charged enough for my services and worked very hard. I was ashamed of anything I had because I had “too much.” I needed to be barely scraping by to be a “good person.”
I am working hard to over come that parental message. We all deserve a living wage. Currency in the US is not backed by anything. The amount of it available is unlimited. If I make a lot of money I am not taking it from someone else. I am providing a service or good in exchange for a price that someone is willing to pay. I can take that money that I make and I can use it for good or evil. If I don’t make that money my choices are limited. I can’t help others if I can barely help myself. It is hard to be in a good mood if I am worried about that tax bill or meeting payroll.
Embrace the fact that it is OK to be wealthy if that is your choice. Don’t judge others for their choices. Live your own life in pursuit of your own ideals, beliefs and choices. LIfe is short. Don’t waste it worrying about how others spend their money or what they think of you.
Do you have any beliefs planted in childhood that are holding you back?